Hey guys! How are you?
Apologies for not posting last week. Had a case of what you’d call writer’s block. I had a whole post planned out and started writing, then stopped because my heart just wasn’t in it. My creatives will understand. When you’re just not in the “spirit”, you can’t give your work what it deserves.
Moving on from that, I’m back in the spirit, so let’s get into it!
What shaped you?
Do we ever take time to think about how our childhood has influenced our adulthood? What experiences shaped the way we think or the habits we have?
It’s very interesting to think about and I chose to talk about this today because of a certain experience of mine.
When I was around the age of 12, I witnessed an armed robbery. Thieves broke into my house, tied my dad up, found my relative and I hiding, and pursued my mother to get the cash they came for.
I remember how I felt immensely terrified at that moment, and seeing my dad tied up was harrowing. I thought they were going to kill him and probably rape me, because I was sitting on the couch and one of the thieves rubbed my thigh in a weird way. It seemed like he was assuring me that everything would be fine, but in all truth and honesty, you never know with those guys…
To cut the long story short, they fled as fast as they came in because the police arrived, and no one was seriously injured. Thank God for that!
The after effects…
Though I was unharmed, I’m still living through the trauma of this event. I actually just woke up from a night of many terrors that had to do with robberies. Till date, I always find myself double, triple and even quadruple checking doors before going to bed. I often daydream about being attacked again and think of ways to either escape of fight the intruders off.
A few weeks ago, I woke up frightened because I thought I heard my dad screaming, but it was all a dream.
Being robbed is one of the worst things one could ever go through, because that’s someone imposing on your personal space. Someone has entered your home, an intimate setting, and has abused it. There’s no coming back from that.
As I write this, I’m realising that quite a number of my major childhood “traumas” are centered around feeling unsafe or uncertain, and have made me forever conscious of my surroundings.
To add on to my robbery experience, I also grew up in a country that was frequently attacked by terrorists. Maybe once or twice a year, certain institutions would be attacked.
Even though I wasn’t directly affected by these occurrences, I lived through them. I watched as bloodied citizens were carried out of sieges and listened as helicopters hovered around the area.
I, like many others, lived in uncertainty. I wondered when and where the next attack would be, and if I’d be caught in it.
A million & one escape plans
These feelings have followed me up until this point, and now, the only way I feel safe wherever I go, is by knowing how to escape, or at least where to hide. I always sit in strategic areas, that give me access to various exits. I always quietly observe each and every corner of every building I’m in, so I at least find a good hiding spot.
It’s become such a habit that I now do it unconsciously. I never sit next to doors, because I feel like I’d get shot first, but I never sit too far away from them, so I can easily run out… Interesting, right? Just like the robbery, this experience also gives me nightmares. I’ve actually dreamt of terrorists coming to attack me…
I could go on and on about the various events of my childhood that have affected my adulthood, but this is where I choose to conclude.
With every post, I aim to teach or give you a new perspective on something. So today, I would like you to think back to your childhood and analyse how certain events have affected you today.
What habits have you brought into your adulthood? Do you have any traumas that need healing?
I guess the question that follows is: how do you heal from the trauma?
That’s a hard question and sadly, I don’t know. Hopefully I will one day…
Thanks for reading!
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